Marriages

Marriages

In our region, marriages are generally arranged by parents. Marriages are difficult in this part of the world. Parents and relatives of bridegrooms visit homes of girls to choose brides. Parents of brides remain in tension. They think about whether their daughters would be chosen or not. It is quite expensive too. Guests should be entertained with good food. Parents of middle-class families have to do it many times. Parents of bride grooms take it as good fun. They visit many homes and families and in most cases reject the girls. For them, it is easy to say, "we didn't like the girl."

One of my sisters was shown to parents of sons 300 times. At last, she said, " I will not marry. I will remain a virgin." If a girl remains a virgin, that is not acceptable by society. Ultimately, she had to get married due to the pressure of the family. Anyway, she is happy now.

These days men are educated. They should protest it. Even if their parents want to see many girls, they should say "No" to it. I think it is possible to collect information about the girl and her family before visiting her home so that chances of rejection may be minimized. One can have an idea about the physical features of the girl by seeing her photo.

One of my colleagues narrated his story to me. He was a Government officer. He was very Islamic minded. Relatives of the bridegroom came to his home along with their son. At one point, the father of the bridegroom said, " My son wants to talk to your daughter for a while". My colleague said to me how he felt then. He said, " I felt ashamed. I didn't want this, but the bridegroom had a PhD degree. I was greedy to take the chance. I allowed it." This marriage took place.

Some boys and girls marry because they love one another. This is not easy too. Parents and relatives become unhappy because it would be subject to social criticism. Even then the rate of marriages for love is increasing. Boys and girls study together, work together and live in the same neighbourhood. There are more opportunities for free interactions than it was earlier.

Dowry in marriages is an acute problem. Especially poor villagers suffer a lot. Parents of bride grooms demand cash money plus television, fridge, motorbikes etc.

The bride's father has to provide all this. It is a heavy burden on him. He may have other daughters too. One of our domestic servants married a village girl and he demanded cash money from the girl's father. I said to him, " why did you demand it? This goes against morality. This is not fair." He replied, "When my sister got married, I had to give many valuable things to the bridegroom. I had to fulfil their demands. Now, I am going to do the same because I need money to marry. I spent my savings during my sister's marriage".

In middle-class families, marriages are too expensive for the bride's parents. We need to arrange gorgeous parties in costly community centres and invite many people. 

While inviting people we need to visit each house of the invitees. It takes lots of energy and money. There are terrible traffic jams on the roads. I firmly believe that this process should be stopped. We can send invitation letters through courier service. We can invite people on the phone too. Social awareness should be created on this issue. 

We arrange rich food for invitees. Gold ornaments must be given to daughters. These days, gold is very costly. Today's gold price is $1,474.83 per ounce.

Men are in advantageous positions in our society. Their financial responsibilities are less, rather, sometimes they gain a lot from marriages. They get dowries. Regarding expenses in marriages, their responsibilities are limited. If they can afford, they spend. If they don't have enough money, they don't spend. Nothing is mandatory for them.

Among Hindus, dowries are painful responsibilities. Hindu girls do not get paternal property. So, the amount of dowry should be a noticeable amount. I had a Hindu colleague who said, " Sister, I tried to earn money as an honest officer. I have four daughters. I will give them a proper education. My savings will be spent on their education, but I will not be able to arrange their marriages. I have no financial ability to arrange dowries for my daughters. I have told them that they will have to choose their husbands and to marry without dowries".

People should be educated about the negative effects of dowries. Our television channels are not used for this purpose. All TV channels belong to the ruling party. People of opposition parties cannot run TV channels. Their TV channels are banned by the government. Television channels are restricted. Their freedom is curtailed by the ruling party.

When someone's wife dies, it is sometimes difficult for him to remarry. One of my relatives was 72 years old when his wife died. He was very eager to marry again. He said, " I cannot survive alone. Loneliness is a curse on me. I cannot bear it". His son said, " you are not alone and lonely. You are living with my family. Play with your grandchildren and enjoy life". This man has many land properties. He has a five-story building. If he marries again, he will have children. They will inherit properties. His son did not like it. He told this to us.

Women can not usually marry when they are widows. Children do not want their mothers to get married. They are angry when their mothers are married to another person.

In western societies, probably the partnership is more common than marital status. There are problems too. Often they break up which is painful. When the girls are aged, it is difficult for them to get new partners.

For sometime I lived in YMCA Hostel, Auckland, New Zealand. A white-skinned prostitute lived in our hostel. She was my friend but even the white residents of the hostel did not like it. They did not respect this woman but I respected her as an individual. She is intelligent and educated. Once she said, " Nilufar, the civilisation is artificial and false. Civilisation is against nature. Marriages are artificial. Free sex is natural, normal and healthy. We are like animals. That is why marriages cannot bring happiness."  I asked her, "Are you happy?" She said, "No". Yes, in either way it is difficult to be happy.

In our region, marriages are sacred. I can't say how long it will continue. 

In middle-class families divorce is rare. Their marriages are registered. They can get legal shelter because they can afford it. They are educated and capable but among the poor, in most cases, marriages are not registered. Men divorce their wives for trifling reasons or no reasons at all. Most of our maidservants are divorced by their husbands. Often they are beaten by their husbands. They are suppressed and oppressed by in-laws too.

 Women empowerment is a vital issue in our region. 

 In the end, I wish all married couples to be happy plus marriages should be less expensive and without any dowry.

Referendums

• Referendums
• A referendum is a direct or universal vote in which all voters vote on a particular issue or question. Through a referendum, people do not select their political representatives but express their opinions on a debatable or disputed issue. For example, whether there should be an election under a caretaker government or not. Some people may vote in favour of a caretaker government and others may vote against it.
• The referendum is a good democratic process. It facilitates greater participation of people in making governmental decisions. In most countries, the referendum is a part of the constitution. For instance, Australia, France, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Norway, the Philippines, Poland, Romania, Switzerland, Colombia, Croatia, Lithuania, Sweden, Taiwan, the United Kingdom etc. countries have provisions of the referendum. On the other hand, some countries do not have it. For example, Belgium, Czech Republic, Indonesia, Malaysia, Norway etc, countries do not practise the referendum.
• I don't understand why some countries do not accept the idea of a referendum. To me, a referendum is a vital democratic right. Why should I not have a say on important public issues?
• Many countries used referendums at different times. On 19 March 2011, a constitutional referendum was held in Egypt. In April 1993, voters of Eritrea cast ballots on whether to be a sovereign country or to remain with Ethiopia. The voters of Eritrea wanted an independent country for themselves. There were several referendums in Morocco relating to the Moroccan constitution. East Timor held a referendum on 30 August 1999. Voters had to choose whether they would become a special autonomous region within Indonesia or East Timor would become a sovereign independent country. Approximately, 79% of the voters wanted independence.
• Referendums took place in other countries too. These countries are Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, the Philippines, Russia, Thailand etc.
• Now, it is my country, Bangladesh.
• A constitutional referendum was held in Bangladesh on 15 September 1991. The issue was to choose either a presidential or a parliamentary form of government. The result was that the parliamentary form of government would be reintroduced. The President became the constitutional head of state and the prime minister became the executive head.
• From the constitution of Bangladesh, we lost three democratic rights. These are provisions of the referendum, caretaker government during the election and, "No Vote". The opposition parties raised their voices about the caretaker government but they didn't say anything about the referendum. The major opposition party, Bangladesh Nationalist Party (BNP) repeatedly demanded the Caretaker government during the election because they wanted a free and fair election. I am shocked that they didn't say anything about the referendum. It may be so that they want to enjoy the absence of a referendum when they would govern the country. I think this attitude is not based on good moral values. They do not think about people's democratic rights. They want to avoid the trouble of referendum when they would hold the political power.
• It seems to me that politicians are replicas of kings. No ideal person could become a king. Kings could kill and persecute people recklessly. An honest Brahmin could not become a king. The kingship is full of crimes. Emperor Ashoka of India killed his 99 brothers to establish his position as king. The Mughal emperor Aurangzeb killed his brothers to establish his kingship. Even the English monarchy contains stories of brutality and conspiracies. Personal gains were important factors for them. They did not give value to humanity.
• In the modern world, politicians are playing the same roles. They think of grabbing political powers only. Most of them are corrupt politicians. They have no patriotism, no ideology and no moral standard.
• In Bangladesh, some selfish and corrupt politicians erased the provision of the referendum from our Constitution through amendments and some others did not protest it. I consider all of them at the same levels.

Development

DEVELOPMENT

This is purely an academic discussion. These days this issue is widely discussed in Bangladesh. I looked inward and thought about it.

 Development generally means economic and financial progress. In the context of the political environment in Bangladesh, some new ideas about development came to my mind. I think development should include human rights, social rights, political rights, civil rights, democratic rights, freedom, liberty, and constitutional rights.

When people of any country cannot enjoy these rights, they cannot be happy and peaceful. Economic progress is not enough. To enjoy a happy and peaceful life, people need to enjoy the rights I have mentioned above.

I have internet in my home. I can work on Facebook, I can operate YouTube but I have no freedom of speech. I cannot say what I want to say. I am afraid of the black laws. I am always in fear. Internet facility is a sign of material progress, but the material progress must be combined with mental peace. My ego and self-respect are shattered every moment. I cannot enjoy self-respect and self-esteem. I feel devastated, insulted, abused, depressed, sad, and humiliated. We are prisoners in our own country. I am afraid of being arrested. I may be arrested for writing this article. My heart and brain are under the chain. I am afraid of remand and extrajudicial killing. As per the law of the land, remand does not mean torture. According to the constitution of Bangladesh, no person can be tortured on any piece of Bangladeshi land, but there is a clear violation of the existing law. People are brutally tortured in the name of remand.

Development is a positive term, but if the basket of development is full of the poisonous snakes, should I call it a basket of development? Don't we find any inconsistency in it? That is why I suggest comprising human rights, social rights, democratic rights, political rights, civil rights, freedom of speech, liberty and constitutional rights while defining development.

The constitution of Bangladesh is an ideal document that promotes social welfare and human welfare in Bangladesh. Our rights as citizens of Bangladesh are stipulated in the constitution of Bangladesh, but people are deprived of enjoying these rights, they are denied their constitutional rights. The concept of development must be incompatible with such a situation.

Do we want development? Yes, we would like to be developed. Do we want freedom? Yes, we love freedom. We want both, but which one is our priority? Do we want development by surrendering our human rights, democratic rights, political rights, social rights, civil rights and, constitutional rights? No! Never! We never want that. First of all, we want to enjoy our rights as stipulated in the constitution of Bangladesh. Secondly, we want development. If development comes first, then why did we become independent from the British? Didn't They bring development to India? The railway network all over India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh were established by the British. They established the schools, colleges, and universities in undivided India. They abolished some brutal practices in India. They made laws to stop Satidaha. Satidaha was a system that the wives were burnt alive with their dead husbands. Wasn’t it extreme cruelty? In many other ways, the British contributed to the development of the then India. Even then, we valued freedom above all.

We enjoyed our rights much better during the British period than we are having it today. In that time, we struggled hard for our independence and freedom.

Could we achieve freedom? I don’t think so. I do not feel that I am a citizen of a free country. I eat, sleep, do household work, but I am a prisoner in my own country. I have no freedom of speech, no voting rights. On 30 December 2018 Bangladesh was murdered and raped.

Mrs Parul Begum of Subornochar, Noakhali, is a mother of four children. She was gang raped for the offence of casting her ballot paper in favour of BNP (Bangladesh Nationalist Party). Our ballot papers should be kept secret. How did they know that she voted for BNP? In reality, there was absolutely no election. People were tortured and murdered. Eighteen people died on the Election Day. I think there are many unknown deaths and rapes too.

A lot of our hard earned money was spent on a fake election. We were betrayed terribly.

We wanted to be independent of the British because we wanted to feel respected. Freedom is a symbol of self-respect and self-esteem. We wanted to feel that we were not ruled by another country.  We wanted to live with dignity and honour. This was the issue of ego satisfaction. Our ego wanted to be proud of their own country. The same way we want to be free and independent now. We feel that we are colonized by India. We do not want any puppet Government.

Development is nothing special for a particular country. All the countries in the world are having development. There was a time when Europe was poor. They started to develop rapidly after the industrial revolution.

Development mainly takes place for discoveries and innovations of the scientists and researchers. The discovery of steam engine boost development manifold. Discovery of computer and internet-facilitated communication brought development to the world as a whole. The humans put their physical labour and applied their intellectual abilities to the industrial revolution and other kinds of development.

I searched for the list of the countries for GDP (PPP)-Wikipedia. In 2017, Bangladesh had the rank of 31 out of the 190 countries. All the 190 countries have their own ranks. It shows that all the countries in the world are developing. We notice that 30 countries are above Bangladesh. I found that South Africa, Nigeria, China, India, Thailand, Taiwan, Korea, etc. countries are above Bangladesh.

 The so-called Government of Bangladesh boasts of development. I feel that the Government has nothing to do with development. The Government of any country may facilitate the process of development, but sometimes they create hindrances. The businessmen, industrialists, investors, and others complain that they need to bribe the people in the Government sector and the corrupt political leaders. This way they are compelled to lower the quality of work by reducing the cost because they set aside money to bribe the political leaders and the people in the Govt. sector. Our banks and the share markets are struggling for survival because of the corrupt practices of the political leaders.

Development takes place for the hard work of our people, but not for the Government and the political parties. Our farmers, factory workers, workers in the garment industries, investors, businessmen, exporters, industrialists, engineers, doctors, researchers, teachers and others working in the service sector are contributing continuously to the process of our development. We have two main sources of earning foreign currency. One is our garment industries wherein our poor girls have been working very hard with a very low salary. Our workers are working hard abroad who send valuable foreign currency into Bangladesh. Look at our farmers! They are putting manual labour to our agriculture. In Bangladesh, agriculture is not mechanized. They are ill-paid and ill-fed. They are compelled to sell their products cheap. They are feeding the entire nation. The factory workers are producing manufactured goods. Most of our employees are in the private sector. The businessmen generate revenues. The people pay taxes, the proper use of which is always doubtful.

After independence, we received large amounts of foreign aid. The rich countries are interested in global development because it helps both the rich and the poor. If the poor do not become rich, who will buy their goods and services? The rich countries buy less, but sell more and that is why they are rich. Selling brings money in and buying takes money to others. The poor are not developed enough to buy less and sell more.

This article would remain incomplete if I don’t say anything about the election in Bangladesh on 30 December 2018. There was no election at all. People were beaten, raped and killed. In the district of Noakhali, a woman of 35 years, named Parul Akhter, who has four children, was brutally raped by a gang of the ruling party for the offence that she voted for BNP (Bangladesh Nationalist Party). The criminals fastened her husband and children with a tree before committing this heinous crime. She should cast her ballot paper in a secret room. Our ballots are secret and sacred. The members of the ruling party opened our ballot papers against our wills and tore it into pieces if we voted for BNP or any other opposition party. The polling agents of the opposition parties were not allowed to enter the polling centres. In my polling centre (Purana Paltan, Girls College, Dhaka), I saw no pooling agents of the opposition parties. All the ballot boxes were filled in on the previous day of the election. On account of this election, 18 people died. I think there are unknown deaths and rapes too. We feel sad, depressed, humiliated, insulted, abused and, tortured. All this was carried out with our money. We want to know why our hard earned money was spent on a fake election? In effect, Bangladesh was murdered and raped on 30 December 2018.

I think the concept of development should be redefined taking into consideration the human factors.

Corruption

Corruption

Corruption is both an individual and social disease. When an individual is involved in corruption, it is personal degradation and when a society or a nation is corrupt, it is social disgrace. When a person is corrupt it is a part of his personality. When a nation is corrupt, it is a part of national character.

When I was in the school, our teachers instructed us to practice handwriting. We wrote 10/12 pages that said, “ Soda sotto kotha bolibe”. It means “Always tell the truth.” Sometimes our assignments were English handwriting. We wrote 10/12 pages that said, “Honesty is the best policy.”

At that time all the students believed these moral statements. As they became adults, many of them could no longer accept these values to be true. They got different experiences from the society. They observed that people could not enjoy prestige, dignity, and honour for the honesty. Social prestige belongs to those who have money, gorgeous homes, beautiful cars etc. We are social beings. Social recognition is important to all of us. I am not blaming the society for giving importance to wealth. I ask myself, why the dishonest people are much wealthier than the honest people? Why the dishonest people enjoy more power than the honest people? Why are the dishonest people our political leaders? Ideally, the honest people should rule the society. I tried to understand the reasons for the defeat of good moral values. One of the reasons might be the social exploitation and frustrations. The school children look at one another’s tiffin box. Some eat costly fast food, others have very little cheap food. From their childhood, they start thinking about what others get, but they do not have.

The society is based on exploitation. Look at the physical labours of the rickshaw pullers or the factory workers. Are they getting appropriate price for their labours? No, they are exploited. Tensions and frustrations accumulate in them. Their children observe the situation and learn the cruelty of life. When they grow up and get chances to earn money by illegal means, they utilize the easy options. Actually, the seeds of corruption are sown at the grassroots levels. It is a vertical and horizontal chain.

Social inequality gets reduced when a country develops and the percentage of the poor people decreases. It requires money to sustain the moral values. The poverty pushes back the moral values. Recently, I gave a bath soap to my maidservant. She works part-time in my home. I told her to take the soap to her home. She lives in a nearby slum area. She said, “ No, madam, I want to keep the soap in your home. It will be stolen from my home. All the people around my home are very poor. Necessity knows no law. They will steal my soap”

Social inequality gets reduced when a country develops and the percentage of poor people decreases. It requires money to sustain the moral values. A poor person has a different definition of morality when his or her children are hungry. His morality then says that first of all, he should feed his hungry children.

Corruption emerges from a corrupt social culture as well. Bribery is a common practice in Bangladesh. These days, a polite term is used for a  bribe, that is, tips. In the Government offices, files do not move from one table to another without a bribe. The Accountant General’s Office (AG) is infamous for bribery. After retirement, when the Government officers and the staff of the Government process their pension papers, they have to spend a large amount of money as bribes. If anyone has a long-pending bill, they will not get the payment without bribing the staff. When the contractors ask to clear their bills, the high officials demand a major share of the contractor’s payments. As a result, when the contractors do infrastructural work, they keep the cost of the work low to save the money for bribing the officers and the staff of the Government that causes the low quality of work. In the Government offices from the highest rank to the lowest level, many are involved in bribery. One of the reasons may be the income inequality. The salary structure is defective. The secretary’s salary may be twenty times higher than the peon’s salary. Sometimes, the lower ranking staff follow the high officials. They feel that there is no reason to deprive themselves when the high officials are enjoying the gains.

The political leaders are highly corrupt. During elections, politics is a business in Bangladesh. So, the corrupt politicians invest money in buying votes by taking chances of the people’s poverty. When they become ministers or members of the parliament, they want to make profits a thousand times more than their investments. I feel that no sense of patriotism exists among the politicians of Bangladesh. Another point is worth mentioning. They tell blunt lies to the public and those are shamelessly broadcast on the television channels. Is it not corruption? Is it not fraudulent behaviour?

In some countries, there are anti-corruption departments. These countries are Bangladesh, Myanmar, Burundi, Bhutan, Cameroon, China, Egypt, Ethiopia, India, Indonesia, Nepal, Pakistan, Poland, Romania, Russia, Canada, Argentina, Australia, Austria etc.

It seems to me that these are artificial arrangements because corruption is a social problem. The root of this problem is a society. The causes may be poverty, inequality, injustice, deprivations, exploitations, frustrations, underdevelopment, maladministrations, lack of good governance, etc. We need to look at it horizontally.

If we look at the most corrupt and least corrupt countries, we will see that the least corrupt countries are the developed ones and the most corrupt countries are underdeveloped. For instance, the most corrupt countries are Somalia, Afghanistan, Sudan, Iraq, Yemen, Haiti, Chad, Cambodia, Myanmar, Angola, Laos, East Timor, Sierra Leone, Ecuador, Burundi, Eritrea, Nepal, Congo, Philippines, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nigeria etc. The least corrupt countries are Denmark, New Zealand, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Canada, Switzerland, Netherlands, Australia, Singapore etc.

It seems that the level of development has a connection with corruption. The people of the developed countries are less frustrated than the poor countries. They suffer little from inequality, injustice, deprivations, exploitation, maladministration etc. When the poor countries develop, their corruption practices get reduced.

It seems to me that the anti-corruption organizations are artificial. Let us see who work in these organizations. They are members of the corrupt countries and corrupt societies. Their attitudes and moral values emerged from the societies where they live in. They are very much part of the society. So, they cannot be the people of different personalities. In general, they share the same social, cultural and traditional values. They cannot be fair and neutral. Moreover, they work under pressure. The Government do not allow them to work independently. They are threatened if they exercise their legal powers and rights. Even their lives may be at risks. They are compelled to follow the dictations of the Government.

Anti-Corruption Commission in Bangladesh came into force on 9 May 2004. I think it is not working well. The people of Bangladesh think that Anti-Corruption Commission is biased and manipulated by the Govt. Sometimes, they create very shameful examples. For instance, they start a case for Mr. X, but not for Mr Y. In their hands, justice is always discriminated, delayed and denied. The Bangladeshis think that they are not honest and committed to performing their duties. According to Global Financial Integrity Report (GFI), Bangladesh lost as much as $ 75.15 billion or Tk. 700 billion to trade inappropriate invoicing and other unrecorded outflows between 2005 and 2014.

A total of USD 101 million was stolen on 4 February 2016 from Bangladesh Bank’s reserves with the US Federal Reserve Bank of New York. USD 14.5 million was recovered from Sri Lanka and USD 14.5 million from the Philippines. Recovery of the remaining 72 million remains uncertain. The Philippines Government said that they would not return any money to Bangladesh.

People of Bangladesh say that this would not take place without a local conspiracy. These days it is easy to get information. I watch the television talk shows of the Bangladeshi TV channels regularly. Many of the participants at the talk shows say that the money was smuggled from Bangladesh for personal and political gains. In this regard, the anti-corruption commission did not play a positive role.

Taka 4000 crore is misappropriated from the nine Government Banks under cover of debt waivers. This money was drained out through an abuse of power between 2001 and 2008. The names of Sonali Bank, Basic Bank, Janata Bank, Bangladesh  Commerce Bank etc, came in the newspapers.

Our Finance Minister said, “ The Farmers Bank was given the approval to issue a bond worth Taka 500 Crore. The bankers say that this loan was sanctioned in violation of banking norms and procedures. From the television talk shows, I understood that the loans of big amounts were approved under political consideration.

There were corruption cases against Sheikh Hasina and Khaleda Zia during the caretaker Government of Fakhruddin and Moinuddin. When Awami League formed the Government, they withdrew all corruption cases against Sheikh Hasina amounting to Taka 150 billion, that is, Taka. 1,500 crore. They kept the cases of Begum Khaleda Zia alive. Now she is in the jail on account of punishment of five years with corruption charges of Taka 2 crore only. This amount is only 0.13% of the money Sheikh Hasina was charged with corruption. The Bangladeshis say that this is a conspiracy and done on purpose for the coming election only.

The fact is that the anti-corruption department is not free of corrupt practices due to political pressure and malpractice. Those who are working here, are the people of the corrupt society. It is not possible for them to fight the entire society. The Government machinery is corrupt too. Many of the bureaucrats and the administrators at all levels are corrupt.

Even for a petty work, we need to pay a bribe at each level.

The police force is corrupt. They are committing illegal activities under political pressure. When BNP was in the office, there was corruption too. Everyone is aware of Hawa Bhaban and Tarek Zia. At present, the corrupt banking practices are infamous. Our hard earned money is being smuggled. Who are the beneficiaries of this looting and robbery? There is no independent and honest investigation.

I feel that the only remedy for corruption is development. The GDP per capita (PPP) needs to be increased.

Reduction of poverty is an important factor. When there is less frustration, there will be less corruption. No anti-corruption department can reduce corruption. No one can work for anti-corruption in a corrupt society. It is awareness among the people that can free them from corruption.

Treasure

Treasure

It is my golden treasure

Hidden carefully in my heart

It is precious to my soul

I love it in secret

I kiss it with warm lips

My treasure abandoned me

 I suffered     

I cried 

 I was sad and depressed 

Many years passed

My love knocked on my door suddenly

I trembled with

Surprise and joy

My eyes shed tears

We didn't see each other

We didn’t touch 

We didn’t smell

We didn't come near

We loved from far

He wrote me

I wrote him

If we come close

The same old love

Will be fresh and alive

The natural instincts 

Will demand their shares

We will love and embrace

We will kiss and smile

We will be sad again

Tears will roll down our cheeks

 We chose to be away

Not to see each other

It is easy to live by habits

To follow the routine

To perform the duties

My love is on one planet

I am in another

He will be in my heart

I will be in his soul

Forget me not

Forget not our treasure

Let us love

Till we die

Let our treasure be eternal

Talk

Talk

The purpose of writing this article is to look inward, to develop my own insights, to teach myself and to make myself aware of the proper behaviour.

We are able to talk. The animals cannot talk. We can talk because we are rational animals. This is a valuable asset of human life. We can use it positively or negatively. Our talks may be beautiful or not. Talks may be loving, affectionate and respectful or it may be arrogant, offensive or aggressive. Talks may be sincere and honest or it may be dishonest and deceptive. We can create happiness and peace with talks or we can be destructive, instead of being constructive.

One may think that what is the significance of writing an article on talk. Yes, it is significant to me. It hurt me when I was not allowed to express my mind. My heart was blocked when I was not allowed to talk. I was allowed to listen only, but not to talk. No one knows better than me how it feels when there is no freedom of speech. It broke my heart. I was suffocated. Sometimes, our men are too much dominating. Sometimes it is considered ill manners if women speak freely in front of their husbands. They are meant for carrying out orders only. Women have valuable opinions and views that can contribute to the betterment of the families. Everyone should have the freedom to say something if they are willing to do so. Every individual must be treated with due respect. Talks with due respect create happiness. Undesirable talks are hindrances to individual and social welfare.

There should be some talking principles. First of all, we must not hurt people through our talks. Sometimes our egos are shattered through other people’s talks. They pinch, tease, degrade, insult, humiliate and undermine other people. Sometimes they make ugly comments. People sometimes speak arrogantly that others do not like. They feel offended. Does it give us pleasure? No, It disturbs both the listener and the speaker. When we utter good words to others we create pleasure for both of us.

Another point is unnecessary arguments. Let us not argue when someone is saying something with pleasure. Let the talk be spontaneous and smooth. If he or she does not say anything highly objectionable let us not disturb him or her. Let them enjoy the spontaneous flow of their talks. Let them feel that they said something worthwhile. Let them get the pleasure of worthiness. It is good to approve and appreciate people when they say something. We learn from other peoples’ talks. Let us take the opportunities of other peoples’ experiences.

Sometimes we get sadistic pleasures in finding faults of others. All people have good qualities and a few faults. Before finding their faults, let us explore their good qualities. Let us not be fault finders. People feel happy when their qualities are appreciated. They feel encouraged. They get inspirations to move forward courageously and confidently. This is beneficial for the society. It benefits us too when we appreciate people.  It gives us contentment. My grandfather used to say, “If you behave well and appreciate people, you will not be old. Our Prophet Muhammad looked young even when he died. Good souls never get old”. These valuable words of my grandfather inspired me a lot.

I am very much annoyed with the arrogant politicians of Bangladesh. They make ugly comments shamelessly about the political opponents. I condemn this political culture. The ruling party has seized our political freedom. There is no freedom of speech. The opposition political parties cannot hold meetings, demonstrations, processions, long march etc. They are doing so to have political gains in an undemocratic way. First of all, we are humans.We need moral values to keep our souls healthy. Persecuting and killing other people for political gains is not a good idea. This is against all sorts of moral values. Bangladesh is like a communist country now. There is no democracy. We are under a dictatorship in the real sense of the term. In the communist countries, there is no political freedom. People are not allowed to have political talks. The humans need to express their minds freely.

When we talk about other people, the central theme should be an appreciation of the good qualities of people. If anyone does anything wrong, we can explain it positively, that is, in a nice manner. Yes, it is possible to explain negative facts in a positive way. My father was a perfect gentleman. Once I said about someone, “He is a miser”. My father said, “ Say it positively. You can say that he is very careful in spending money”.

No one should be interrupted in the middle of his or her talk. When someone is speaking, let him or her finish first. It requires a bit patience only. I notice the television talk shows of Indian and Bangladeshi television channels. Talk shows of Zee News are warfare. The participants fight with each other with guns and bombs. There is no sign of patience or mutual trust and respect. These generate tensions among the audience as well. Same is the case with the talk shows of the Bangladeshi television channels. The participants do not care for courtesy. They attack each other personally and utter ugly comments against each other without any hesitation. I feel very sad about it. Why don't we understand that courtesy makes us nice and descent? Courtesy costs nothing, but it benefits us immensely.

Let us be honest when we are talking. Let us not have duplicity of minds. There is no need to be Hippocrates. Often we create a false self-portrait. We think something, say something else and do a totally different thing. This is unhealthy. We create a conflicting situation in our hearts and minds. Our body is not naturally equipped to accept such conflicts within ourselves. We become sick and suffer from heart disease, blood pressure, cancer, diabetes etc. Honest behaviour keeps us cool.

Cunning behaviour is disturbing too. Cunning people do not understand that they are always exposed. There are other people in the society who are cunning like them. They understand cunning behaviour and attitudes and tell it to other people. So, the cunning person is known as a cunning person in the society. Simplicity is the best beauty. A frank and simple person is loved by all.

I have seen many people telling lies for trifling reasons. Yes, we can tell lies when it is a life and death question. For instance, a hijacker gets hold of me in a solitary street and orders me to surrender whatever I have with me. Under such circumstances, we can tell lies. I can say, “I have no valuables with me. We should not degrade ourselves for small gains. Moreover, these gains do not last long. Truth prevails in the long run. One person lied to me about his educational qualification. He passed the Secondary School Certificate only, but he told me that he was a graduate. For quite some time I remained in the dark, but later the truth was revealed by others.

When we are angry we cannot control our tongues and minds. It is difficult to me as well. We can try to keep ourselves cool. Yes, we can make it, but it requires learning, dedication and practice.

We can choose our words and sentences so that we do not hurt others. Sometimes, we feel that why should we not tell the truth? But the truth might make people sad. Often it is difficult to understand, why a person will be sad. It requires insight and keen observation.

People sometimes lack courage, to say something in front of someone. They say it behind their back. In popular terms, this is backbiting. They cannot resist doing it. An idle brain is a devil’s workshop. Especially, who have little to do, find pleasure in negative criticism of other people.

Can’t we make people feel respected when we talk to them? Yes, we can do it. We can keep people’s egos satisfied if we want. We can talk to them with due respect and good manners. We can speak with smiling faces. 

Once I watched a video on YouTube. It was an interview with Shomi Kaiser, daughter of the famous writer, Shahidullah Kaiser. Shomi Kaiser is a famous TV star of Bangladesh. The interviewer asked,”What annoys you the most?” She replied, “When people say too much about themselves, such as, I am, myself, my wife, my children, my family, my home, my business and so on. I learnt a great philosophy of life from this interview. Now, I try to minimize my ego. In the end, while writing this article, I tried to focus on observations of people's behaviours with others. Not only that, I looked inward too. I could learn and educate myself about how should I improve my behaviour and attitudes towards others. 

Old age homes in Bangladesh

Old Age homes in Bangladesh

This is about old age homes in Bangladesh. It is a sensitive issue. If I hurt anyone, I apologise. According to our religions and social values, we cannot accept the idea of having old age homes in the country, but the reality might be different. Old parents might not be accepted as integral parts of their sons' families. Whether we like it or not, the society is becoming more and more individualistic and self-centered. We cannot ensure a respectable and honourable presence of our senior citizens in the families initiated by them. In view of this, should we think of the old age homes where our senior citizens can live with dignity and honour?

Old age homes are shelters for old people under certain terms and conditions. These homes provide accommodation, food, clothes, medical treatment, and entertainment to the old people. Facilities of these homes may differ from centre to centre. Some centres provide services on regular payment basis. Some are subsidized by the Government and some others may be established by private initiatives.

In Bangladesh, old age homes are not very popular for religious and social reasons. In Bangladesh, more than 90% of the population is Muslims. 9% is Hindus, 0.6% is Buddhists. Christianity covers 0.3% of the population. Others are only 0.14%.

In Islam, there is no provision of old age homes. As per Islam, it is the duty of the children to take care of their parents. The sons and daughters are supposed to talk to their parents with due respect.

Hinduism suggests that the parents are the most important people in our lives. We must respect our parents and grandparents because they brought us to this world and raised us through much sacrifice and dedication.

Christianity holds the similar values. Christianity teaches us to take care of our parents in their old ages.

Buddhism also teaches us to support the parents.

Actually, all religions teach us almost the same values. When the religions came to our world, life was not so complex. The world was not so competitive. The world was not industrialized. Now the old values are being replaced by the new ones. The real-life rotate as per changing needs of the socio-economic conditions. The society changes with economic development, social development and industrialization. These days, the women work outside home. They can give less time to the elderly people at home.

Society changes with education as well. People acquire new ideas and values as they become educated.

These days people do not follow religious instructions like before. They follow parts of religion that are convenient to them. For example, Muslim women inherit paternal and maternal properties as per ratio 2:1. That is if a brother gets 2, a sister’s share is half of it, that is 1. In most cases, the Muslim parents and brothers are not ready to spare any property for the sisters even though they follow other religious instructions that they like. They say their prayers because it does not require any sacrifice, but they do not like sharing a property with the sisters and the daughters.

The daughters-in-law are modern and educated. They do not like the presence of their parents-in-law in their families. Earlier parents lived with their sons, their wives and the grandchildren. At that time it was regarded as one integrated family. Now, my son’s family is not mine. It is another family. In the real sense of the term, I do not belong to my son’s family. The daughters-in-law treat us as an extra burden. From the very beginning, they want a separate home for themselves and their children. The children do not get the close touch of their grandparents. I think in a neutral family, the children are deprived of the love, affection and guidance of their grandparents who can raise the children with their experiences of life. When the children grow up with the grandparents in a joint family, they get better personality development. They learn to respect the senior people. They can acquire soft and tender behaviour.

The modern women never like joint families. They believe in privacy and individual freedom. In many cases, I have seen that the elderly people are neglected. The young members of the family do not behave well with them. Children learn through observation. They observe the attitudes of their parents and find that their grandparents are the burden on their parents or they are not essential parts of the family.

The old people sometimes experience cruel behaviour in the family. They are sad and depressed.

Everyone wants to live with dignity and honour, but every moment the old members of the family feel that they are unwanted. Life becomes miserable for them.

During their youth, they spent their savings on their children. Now, they are dependent on their sons. They don’t have financial ability to live independently.

Now, what the old parents can do? I understand that nothing can be done without money. The Government of Bangladesh may try to create old age homes for old parents. Our development partners may help the Government by providing foreign assistance. For humanitarian causes, the development partners should support such projects. They can create income-generating activities for them within the compound where they live. All parents are not too old. Some are in good health. They can teach students. Some can make baskets. Others can do embroidery work on clothes. I mean suitable work can be given to them.

Sometimes old parents are helpless even in the developed world, although they are financially solvent. I lived in YMCA Hostel in Auckland for some time. Mr John lived with us who was around 80 years old. He was a citizen of New Zealand. He had no financial problem. since New Zealand is a welfare state. Mr John got Superannuation benefit as a senior citizen. We met him in the lobby or on the lift. In one evening, he said to the house cleaner, “Mele, I am not feeling well. When you come to the hostel, please, check my room to see whether I am okay or not.” The next morning the cleaner came and opened the room of Mr John. She found him dead on his bed. We heard that his daughter-in-law did not like his presence in her household. After his death, the YMCA Hostel authority called his son. He came and took the dead body of his father with him for burial.

Now, let me come to the point. I was talking about the old age homes of Bangladesh. I must say that we should accept the reality. The old parents are not accepted in their sons’ families. They need a new shelter, which they cannot afford to finance. The main problem is financing. Yes, some old people can finance, but others cannot. The Government’s assistance is needed for those who cannot finance. The development partners should come forward too. Bangladesh Government can’t implement it all alone. Studies should be carried out on this.

There are a few old age homes in Bangladesh. These are HelpAge International Bangladesh, Subrata Caregiving Centre, Old Rehabilitation Centre in Gazipur, Old Home, Dhaka etc. 

The Old Rehabilitation Centre in Gazipur was established by a completely private initiative. This was established by Khatib Abdul Zahid Mukul, Founder Chairman of Old Rehabilitation Centre. This centre is completely free. It provides food, shelter, clothes, medical treatment and entertainment to the old people. Thanks a million to Khatib Abdul Zahid Mukul for doing a noble job. I have heard that other old age homes charge money. The old people can be charged less if the Govt. subsidy is available and if the development partners provide assistance.

There are many rich people in Bangladesh. If all of them help to establish old age homes, it would be a great benefit to the senior citizens of the country. It can be a single approach or a joint venture.

Compared to the population of Bangladesh, the number of old age homes is negligible. We need to increase the number of old age homes as per requirements of the people. 

The purpose of writing this article is to create social awareness about the rehabilitation of the old people.