Choosing the bride
Two types of marriages are conducted in Bangladesh. One is marriage for love and the other one is marriage of convenience. I understand that in Bangladesh most of the marriages are of convenience. These marriages are generally arranged by parents.
In case of love marriages, boys and girls love one another and then they get married. Still the Bangladeshi society is conservative. Usually the guardians do not approve of love among boys and girls without their consents. So, the lovers struggle a lot to get married.
In case of arranged marriages, it is only the girls who struggle hard to be chosen by the bridegroom’s parents and relatives. The men are in advantageous positions. Their demands are much higher than that of the girls. The girls from class five to the level of Master’s degree become candidates of one educated man. But a girl of any education level cannot be handed over to a man who studied up to class five only. Actually this is the story of the middle class people.
Men want everything. They want a rich and well reputed father-in-law, a beautiful and well educated bride and a dowry of high value. The story does not end here. They see and examine to their heart's content hundreds of girls for choosing only one bride.
I have seen that they take it as fun which causes a tremendous mental and financial pressure on the parents of the girls and on the girls themselves. The girls’ parents arrange tasty and costly food items to entertain them and take other necessary preparations to satisfy the bridegroom’s family. To face this ordeal many times, parents of the bride spend lots of money because each time the bridegroom’s family rejects the girl.
I have noticed that they don’t take it seriously. They do not think about the sorrows and frustrations of the bride and her parents. I have seen that the girls become devastated being rejected so many times without any valid reason.
I understand that they may not choose or like a girl but they can be respectful to them and their parents. They can see the photos of the brides, they can have ideas about the complexions of the brides, they can collect other information about their families before seeing the girl. I mean they can reduce the chances of rejection if they consider the matter seriously.
I understand that there are matchmaking organizations of Bangladesh. They should take care of this phenomenon so that before going to the homes of brides, they consider the issues of human respect and their sufferings along with financial costs.
Choosing a girl for marriage is not a fun. Men and women are choosing their life partners. It is not a commodity market. This is about human relations. So, from the very beginning mutual respects should be ensured.
I felt very sad when I found highly educated men, choosing brides by creating sufferings to hundreds of parents and girls. In this regard they can educate their families. They can educate the society.
In the end, I would urge the men and their families to pay due respect to the girls and their parents when they choose their brides.
