The poor parents
Social values vary from country to country and change over time. All social values and religious ethics tell us to respect our parents. When I was a child parents were regarded as Gods and Goddesses. At that time parents were not poor even in poverty. They enjoyed prestige, dignity and honour in the family.
My father was a lawyer. In the evening he used to come home from the court. I saw him giving all his earnings to my paternal grandmother. She kept it in a secured place very carefully.
On each Friday my father used to go to the mosque for Friday prayer. Before going to the mosque he used to cut his hair. I have seen him saying to his mother, “ Mom, would you please give me six anas? I want to cut my hair.” My grandmother opened the knot of her Saree very carefully and gave six anas to my father. At that time sixteen anas made Taka one.
My father bought a house in Dhaka with his own money. Before documenting the purchase he said to my grandfather, “ Father, whose name will be documented as the owner of the house?” My grandfather said, “ Write my name there. I will be the owner of the house.” In the end, my uncle owned it according to my grandfather’s will. We got nothing from this house.
Those values are no more there. These days most of the Bangladeshi parents are poor and distressed. Their daughters-in-law are educated and conscious. One man’s income is not enough to run a single family. How can they allow their husbands to support their parents? They want privacy and an independent life. In most cases I have seen them annoyed with such responsibilities. If the father-in-law and mother-in-law are sharing the same household with their daughter-in-law, there is chaos. Sometimes, there are brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law in the same household. Usually daughters-in-law do not like them or they do not enjoy their presence. This seems to be natural to me because there is no blood connection or no experience of living or existing together for a long time. Sometimes there are other responsibilities too. For example, marriages of the younger sister's, education-cost of the younger brothers etc.
I observed that the main problem was limited amount of money to be shared with the parents. I feel that there is pleasure in sharing but often we do not feel it. Moreover, when we avoid our duties, it causes mental pressure on us either consciously or unconsciously.
Personally I believe that we should maintain some sacrificing spirits and moral standards. Once our parents have done much for us. Now, it is our turn to help them when they really need it.
Parents are often helpless. They spent their earnings for raising children. When the children grow up they are retired from work or they have no savings. They cannot survive without financial assistance of their sons.
It would be better if the parents could survive independently and if they could maintain a comfortable distance from their daughters-in-law but they cannot afford it because they are financially dependent on the income of their sons.
Parents who can live independently with their own income are really fortunate. They can enjoy freedom and self-respect. They can live with prestige, dignity and honour.
Singapore has an Act known as “Maintenance of Parents Act”. The purpose of this Act is to provide a safety net for needy and neglected parents who had no other resource. The Act provides for Singapore residents aged 60 years old and above, who are unable to subsist on their own, to claim maintenance from their children who are capable of supporting them but are not doing so. Parents can sue their children for maintenance, in the form of monthly allowances or a lump-sum payment. The Act also establishes the Tribunal for the maintenance of parents to decide on applications made under the Act (Reference: eresources.nlb.gov.sg).
China has a law that says grown children in China must visit their parents or potentially face fines or jail (BBC.com/news/world-asia-china-23124345).
It is shocking to me, that we need to make laws for this purpose. Why can’t we teach moral values to our children? One of my aunties said, “ We think that we have blood relations with our babies. They are of our flesh and blood. So, they will do their duties spontaneously. Actually, these issues are not spontaneous. It depends on how we teach them moral values from their childhoods. Training is a very important part for developing children’s personalities.”
In the end, I would like to say that for the sons of the poor countries and the developing countries it is tough to support their parents and sometimes including brothers and sisters. But even then we cannot ignore our duties towards our parents. Let us sacrifice some of our comforts and luxaries for our parents.
