Marriages

Marriages

In our region, marriages are generally arranged by parents. Marriages are difficult in this part of the world. Parents and relatives of bridegrooms visit homes of girls to choose brides. Parents of brides remain in tension. They think about whether their daughters would be chosen or not. It is quite expensive too. Guests should be entertained with good food. Parents of middle-class families have to do it many times. Parents of bride grooms take it as good fun. They visit many homes and families and in most cases reject the girls. For them, it is easy to say, "we didn't like the girl."

One of my sisters was shown to parents of sons 300 times. At last, she said, " I will not marry. I will remain a virgin." If a girl remains a virgin, that is not acceptable by society. Ultimately, she had to get married due to the pressure of the family. Anyway, she is happy now.

These days men are educated. They should protest it. Even if their parents want to see many girls, they should say "No" to it. I think it is possible to collect information about the girl and her family before visiting her home so that chances of rejection may be minimized. One can have an idea about the physical features of the girl by seeing her photo.

One of my colleagues narrated his story to me. He was a Government officer. He was very Islamic minded. Relatives of the bridegroom came to his home along with their son. At one point, the father of the bridegroom said, " My son wants to talk to your daughter for a while". My colleague said to me how he felt then. He said, " I felt ashamed. I didn't want this, but the bridegroom had a PhD degree. I was greedy to take the chance. I allowed it." This marriage took place.

Some boys and girls marry because they love one another. This is not easy too. Parents and relatives become unhappy because it would be subject to social criticism. Even then the rate of marriages for love is increasing. Boys and girls study together, work together and live in the same neighbourhood. There are more opportunities for free interactions than it was earlier.

Dowry in marriages is an acute problem. Especially poor villagers suffer a lot. Parents of bride grooms demand cash money plus television, fridge, motorbikes etc.

The bride's father has to provide all this. It is a heavy burden on him. He may have other daughters too. One of our domestic servants married a village girl and he demanded cash money from the girl's father. I said to him, " why did you demand it? This goes against morality. This is not fair." He replied, "When my sister got married, I had to give many valuable things to the bridegroom. I had to fulfil their demands. Now, I am going to do the same because I need money to marry. I spent my savings during my sister's marriage".

In middle-class families, marriages are too expensive for the bride's parents. We need to arrange gorgeous parties in costly community centres and invite many people. 

While inviting people we need to visit each house of the invitees. It takes lots of energy and money. There are terrible traffic jams on the roads. I firmly believe that this process should be stopped. We can send invitation letters through courier service. We can invite people on the phone too. Social awareness should be created on this issue. 

We arrange rich food for invitees. Gold ornaments must be given to daughters. These days, gold is very costly. Today's gold price is $1,474.83 per ounce.

Men are in advantageous positions in our society. Their financial responsibilities are less, rather, sometimes they gain a lot from marriages. They get dowries. Regarding expenses in marriages, their responsibilities are limited. If they can afford, they spend. If they don't have enough money, they don't spend. Nothing is mandatory for them.

Among Hindus, dowries are painful responsibilities. Hindu girls do not get paternal property. So, the amount of dowry should be a noticeable amount. I had a Hindu colleague who said, " Sister, I tried to earn money as an honest officer. I have four daughters. I will give them a proper education. My savings will be spent on their education, but I will not be able to arrange their marriages. I have no financial ability to arrange dowries for my daughters. I have told them that they will have to choose their husbands and to marry without dowries".

People should be educated about the negative effects of dowries. Our television channels are not used for this purpose. All TV channels belong to the ruling party. People of opposition parties cannot run TV channels. Their TV channels are banned by the government. Television channels are restricted. Their freedom is curtailed by the ruling party.

When someone's wife dies, it is sometimes difficult for him to remarry. One of my relatives was 72 years old when his wife died. He was very eager to marry again. He said, " I cannot survive alone. Loneliness is a curse on me. I cannot bear it". His son said, " you are not alone and lonely. You are living with my family. Play with your grandchildren and enjoy life". This man has many land properties. He has a five-story building. If he marries again, he will have children. They will inherit properties. His son did not like it. He told this to us.

Women can not usually marry when they are widows. Children do not want their mothers to get married. They are angry when their mothers are married to another person.

In western societies, probably the partnership is more common than marital status. There are problems too. Often they break up which is painful. When the girls are aged, it is difficult for them to get new partners.

For sometime I lived in YMCA Hostel, Auckland, New Zealand. A white-skinned prostitute lived in our hostel. She was my friend but even the white residents of the hostel did not like it. They did not respect this woman but I respected her as an individual. She is intelligent and educated. Once she said, " Nilufar, the civilisation is artificial and false. Civilisation is against nature. Marriages are artificial. Free sex is natural, normal and healthy. We are like animals. That is why marriages cannot bring happiness."  I asked her, "Are you happy?" She said, "No". Yes, in either way it is difficult to be happy.

In our region, marriages are sacred. I can't say how long it will continue. 

In middle-class families divorce is rare. Their marriages are registered. They can get legal shelter because they can afford it. They are educated and capable but among the poor, in most cases, marriages are not registered. Men divorce their wives for trifling reasons or no reasons at all. Most of our maidservants are divorced by their husbands. Often they are beaten by their husbands. They are suppressed and oppressed by in-laws too.

 Women empowerment is a vital issue in our region. 

 In the end, I wish all married couples to be happy plus marriages should be less expensive and without any dowry.

Referendums

• Referendums
• A referendum is a direct or universal vote in which all voters vote on a particular issue or question. Through a referendum, people do not select their political representatives but express their opinions on a debatable or disputed issue. For example, whether there should be an election under a caretaker government or not. Some people may vote in favour of a caretaker government and others may vote against it.
• The referendum is a good democratic process. It facilitates greater participation of people in making governmental decisions. In most countries, the referendum is a part of the constitution. For instance, Australia, France, Hungary, Ireland, Italy, Norway, the Philippines, Poland, Romania, Switzerland, Colombia, Croatia, Lithuania, Sweden, Taiwan, the United Kingdom etc. countries have provisions of the referendum. On the other hand, some countries do not have it. For example, Belgium, Czech Republic, Indonesia, Malaysia, Norway etc, countries do not practise the referendum.
• I don't understand why some countries do not accept the idea of a referendum. To me, a referendum is a vital democratic right. Why should I not have a say on important public issues?
• Many countries used referendums at different times. On 19 March 2011, a constitutional referendum was held in Egypt. In April 1993, voters of Eritrea cast ballots on whether to be a sovereign country or to remain with Ethiopia. The voters of Eritrea wanted an independent country for themselves. There were several referendums in Morocco relating to the Moroccan constitution. East Timor held a referendum on 30 August 1999. Voters had to choose whether they would become a special autonomous region within Indonesia or East Timor would become a sovereign independent country. Approximately, 79% of the voters wanted independence.
• Referendums took place in other countries too. These countries are Iran, Iraq, Pakistan, the Philippines, Russia, Thailand etc.
• Now, it is my country, Bangladesh.
• A constitutional referendum was held in Bangladesh on 15 September 1991. The issue was to choose either a presidential or a parliamentary form of government. The result was that the parliamentary form of government would be reintroduced. The President became the constitutional head of state and the prime minister became the executive head.
• From the constitution of Bangladesh, we lost three democratic rights. These are provisions of the referendum, caretaker government during the election and, "No Vote". The opposition parties raised their voices about the caretaker government but they didn't say anything about the referendum. The major opposition party, Bangladesh Nationalist Party (BNP) repeatedly demanded the Caretaker government during the election because they wanted a free and fair election. I am shocked that they didn't say anything about the referendum. It may be so that they want to enjoy the absence of a referendum when they would govern the country. I think this attitude is not based on good moral values. They do not think about people's democratic rights. They want to avoid the trouble of referendum when they would hold the political power.
• It seems to me that politicians are replicas of kings. No ideal person could become a king. Kings could kill and persecute people recklessly. An honest Brahmin could not become a king. The kingship is full of crimes. Emperor Ashoka of India killed his 99 brothers to establish his position as king. The Mughal emperor Aurangzeb killed his brothers to establish his kingship. Even the English monarchy contains stories of brutality and conspiracies. Personal gains were important factors for them. They did not give value to humanity.
• In the modern world, politicians are playing the same roles. They think of grabbing political powers only. Most of them are corrupt politicians. They have no patriotism, no ideology and no moral standard.
• In Bangladesh, some selfish and corrupt politicians erased the provision of the referendum from our Constitution through amendments and some others did not protest it. I consider all of them at the same levels.

Development

DEVELOPMENT

This is purely an academic discussion. These days this issue is widely discussed in Bangladesh. I looked inward and thought about it.

 Development generally means economic and financial progress. In the context of the political environment in Bangladesh, some new ideas about development came to my mind. I think development should include human rights, social rights, political rights, civil rights, democratic rights, freedom, liberty, and constitutional rights.

When people of any country cannot enjoy these rights, they cannot be happy and peaceful. Economic progress is not enough. To enjoy a happy and peaceful life, people need to enjoy the rights I have mentioned above.

I have internet in my home. I can work on Facebook, I can operate YouTube but I have no freedom of speech. I cannot say what I want to say. I am afraid of the black laws. I am always in fear. Internet facility is a sign of material progress, but the material progress must be combined with mental peace. My ego and self-respect are shattered every moment. I cannot enjoy self-respect and self-esteem. I feel devastated, insulted, abused, depressed, sad, and humiliated. We are prisoners in our own country. I am afraid of being arrested. I may be arrested for writing this article. My heart and brain are under the chain. I am afraid of remand and extrajudicial killing. As per the law of the land, remand does not mean torture. According to the constitution of Bangladesh, no person can be tortured on any piece of Bangladeshi land, but there is a clear violation of the existing law. People are brutally tortured in the name of remand.

Development is a positive term, but if the basket of development is full of the poisonous snakes, should I call it a basket of development? Don't we find any inconsistency in it? That is why I suggest comprising human rights, social rights, democratic rights, political rights, civil rights, freedom of speech, liberty and constitutional rights while defining development.

The constitution of Bangladesh is an ideal document that promotes social welfare and human welfare in Bangladesh. Our rights as citizens of Bangladesh are stipulated in the constitution of Bangladesh, but people are deprived of enjoying these rights, they are denied their constitutional rights. The concept of development must be incompatible with such a situation.

Do we want development? Yes, we would like to be developed. Do we want freedom? Yes, we love freedom. We want both, but which one is our priority? Do we want development by surrendering our human rights, democratic rights, political rights, social rights, civil rights and, constitutional rights? No! Never! We never want that. First of all, we want to enjoy our rights as stipulated in the constitution of Bangladesh. Secondly, we want development. If development comes first, then why did we become independent from the British? Didn't They bring development to India? The railway network all over India, Pakistan, and Bangladesh were established by the British. They established the schools, colleges, and universities in undivided India. They abolished some brutal practices in India. They made laws to stop Satidaha. Satidaha was a system that the wives were burnt alive with their dead husbands. Wasn’t it extreme cruelty? In many other ways, the British contributed to the development of the then India. Even then, we valued freedom above all.

We enjoyed our rights much better during the British period than we are having it today. In that time, we struggled hard for our independence and freedom.

Could we achieve freedom? I don’t think so. I do not feel that I am a citizen of a free country. I eat, sleep, do household work, but I am a prisoner in my own country. I have no freedom of speech, no voting rights. On 30 December 2018 Bangladesh was murdered and raped.

Mrs Parul Begum of Subornochar, Noakhali, is a mother of four children. She was gang raped for the offence of casting her ballot paper in favour of BNP (Bangladesh Nationalist Party). Our ballot papers should be kept secret. How did they know that she voted for BNP? In reality, there was absolutely no election. People were tortured and murdered. Eighteen people died on the Election Day. I think there are many unknown deaths and rapes too.

A lot of our hard earned money was spent on a fake election. We were betrayed terribly.

We wanted to be independent of the British because we wanted to feel respected. Freedom is a symbol of self-respect and self-esteem. We wanted to feel that we were not ruled by another country.  We wanted to live with dignity and honour. This was the issue of ego satisfaction. Our ego wanted to be proud of their own country. The same way we want to be free and independent now. We feel that we are colonized by India. We do not want any puppet Government.

Development is nothing special for a particular country. All the countries in the world are having development. There was a time when Europe was poor. They started to develop rapidly after the industrial revolution.

Development mainly takes place for discoveries and innovations of the scientists and researchers. The discovery of steam engine boost development manifold. Discovery of computer and internet-facilitated communication brought development to the world as a whole. The humans put their physical labour and applied their intellectual abilities to the industrial revolution and other kinds of development.

I searched for the list of the countries for GDP (PPP)-Wikipedia. In 2017, Bangladesh had the rank of 31 out of the 190 countries. All the 190 countries have their own ranks. It shows that all the countries in the world are developing. We notice that 30 countries are above Bangladesh. I found that South Africa, Nigeria, China, India, Thailand, Taiwan, Korea, etc. countries are above Bangladesh.

 The so-called Government of Bangladesh boasts of development. I feel that the Government has nothing to do with development. The Government of any country may facilitate the process of development, but sometimes they create hindrances. The businessmen, industrialists, investors, and others complain that they need to bribe the people in the Government sector and the corrupt political leaders. This way they are compelled to lower the quality of work by reducing the cost because they set aside money to bribe the political leaders and the people in the Govt. sector. Our banks and the share markets are struggling for survival because of the corrupt practices of the political leaders.

Development takes place for the hard work of our people, but not for the Government and the political parties. Our farmers, factory workers, workers in the garment industries, investors, businessmen, exporters, industrialists, engineers, doctors, researchers, teachers and others working in the service sector are contributing continuously to the process of our development. We have two main sources of earning foreign currency. One is our garment industries wherein our poor girls have been working very hard with a very low salary. Our workers are working hard abroad who send valuable foreign currency into Bangladesh. Look at our farmers! They are putting manual labour to our agriculture. In Bangladesh, agriculture is not mechanized. They are ill-paid and ill-fed. They are compelled to sell their products cheap. They are feeding the entire nation. The factory workers are producing manufactured goods. Most of our employees are in the private sector. The businessmen generate revenues. The people pay taxes, the proper use of which is always doubtful.

After independence, we received large amounts of foreign aid. The rich countries are interested in global development because it helps both the rich and the poor. If the poor do not become rich, who will buy their goods and services? The rich countries buy less, but sell more and that is why they are rich. Selling brings money in and buying takes money to others. The poor are not developed enough to buy less and sell more.

This article would remain incomplete if I don’t say anything about the election in Bangladesh on 30 December 2018. There was no election at all. People were beaten, raped and killed. In the district of Noakhali, a woman of 35 years, named Parul Akhter, who has four children, was brutally raped by a gang of the ruling party for the offence that she voted for BNP (Bangladesh Nationalist Party). The criminals fastened her husband and children with a tree before committing this heinous crime. She should cast her ballot paper in a secret room. Our ballots are secret and sacred. The members of the ruling party opened our ballot papers against our wills and tore it into pieces if we voted for BNP or any other opposition party. The polling agents of the opposition parties were not allowed to enter the polling centres. In my polling centre (Purana Paltan, Girls College, Dhaka), I saw no pooling agents of the opposition parties. All the ballot boxes were filled in on the previous day of the election. On account of this election, 18 people died. I think there are unknown deaths and rapes too. We feel sad, depressed, humiliated, insulted, abused and, tortured. All this was carried out with our money. We want to know why our hard earned money was spent on a fake election? In effect, Bangladesh was murdered and raped on 30 December 2018.

I think the concept of development should be redefined taking into consideration the human factors.