Marriages
In our region, marriages are generally arranged by parents. Marriages are difficult in this part of the world. Parents and relatives of bridegrooms visit homes of girls to choose brides. Parents of brides remain in tension. They think about whether their daughters would be chosen or not. It is quite expensive too. Guests should be entertained with good food. Parents of middle-class families have to do it many times. Parents of bride grooms take it as good fun. They visit many homes and families and in most cases reject the girls. For them, it is easy to say, "we didn't like the girl."
One of my sisters was shown to parents of sons 300 times. At last, she said, " I will not marry. I will remain a virgin." If a girl remains a virgin, that is not acceptable by society. Ultimately, she had to get married due to the pressure of the family. Anyway, she is happy now.
These days men are educated. They should protest it. Even if their parents want to see many girls, they should say "No" to it. I think it is possible to collect information about the girl and her family before visiting her home so that chances of rejection may be minimized. One can have an idea about the physical features of the girl by seeing her photo.
One of my colleagues narrated his story to me. He was a Government officer. He was very Islamic minded. Relatives of the bridegroom came to his home along with their son. At one point, the father of the bridegroom said, " My son wants to talk to your daughter for a while". My colleague said to me how he felt then. He said, " I felt ashamed. I didn't want this, but the bridegroom had a PhD degree. I was greedy to take the chance. I allowed it." This marriage took place.
Some boys and girls marry because they love one another. This is not easy too. Parents and relatives become unhappy because it would be subject to social criticism. Even then the rate of marriages for love is increasing. Boys and girls study together, work together and live in the same neighbourhood. There are more opportunities for free interactions than it was earlier.
Dowry in marriages is an acute problem. Especially poor villagers suffer a lot. Parents of bride grooms demand cash money plus television, fridge, motorbikes etc.
The bride's father has to provide all this. It is a heavy burden on him. He may have other daughters too. One of our domestic servants married a village girl and he demanded cash money from the girl's father. I said to him, " why did you demand it? This goes against morality. This is not fair." He replied, "When my sister got married, I had to give many valuable things to the bridegroom. I had to fulfil their demands. Now, I am going to do the same because I need money to marry. I spent my savings during my sister's marriage".
In middle-class families, marriages are too expensive for the bride's parents. We need to arrange gorgeous parties in costly community centres and invite many people.
While inviting people we need to visit each house of the invitees. It takes lots of energy and money. There are terrible traffic jams on the roads. I firmly believe that this process should be stopped. We can send invitation letters through courier service. We can invite people on the phone too. Social awareness should be created on this issue.
We arrange rich food for invitees. Gold ornaments must be given to daughters. These days, gold is very costly. Today's gold price is $1,474.83 per ounce.
Men are in advantageous positions in our society. Their financial responsibilities are less, rather, sometimes they gain a lot from marriages. They get dowries. Regarding expenses in marriages, their responsibilities are limited. If they can afford, they spend. If they don't have enough money, they don't spend. Nothing is mandatory for them.
Among Hindus, dowries are painful responsibilities. Hindu girls do not get paternal property. So, the amount of dowry should be a noticeable amount. I had a Hindu colleague who said, " Sister, I tried to earn money as an honest officer. I have four daughters. I will give them a proper education. My savings will be spent on their education, but I will not be able to arrange their marriages. I have no financial ability to arrange dowries for my daughters. I have told them that they will have to choose their husbands and to marry without dowries".
People should be educated about the negative effects of dowries. Our television channels are not used for this purpose. All TV channels belong to the ruling party. People of opposition parties cannot run TV channels. Their TV channels are banned by the government. Television channels are restricted. Their freedom is curtailed by the ruling party.
When someone's wife dies, it is sometimes difficult for him to remarry. One of my relatives was 72 years old when his wife died. He was very eager to marry again. He said, " I cannot survive alone. Loneliness is a curse on me. I cannot bear it". His son said, " you are not alone and lonely. You are living with my family. Play with your grandchildren and enjoy life". This man has many land properties. He has a five-story building. If he marries again, he will have children. They will inherit properties. His son did not like it. He told this to us.
Women can not usually marry when they are widows. Children do not want their mothers to get married. They are angry when their mothers are married to another person.
In western societies, probably the partnership is more common than marital status. There are problems too. Often they break up which is painful. When the girls are aged, it is difficult for them to get new partners.
For sometime I lived in YMCA Hostel, Auckland, New Zealand. A white-skinned prostitute lived in our hostel. She was my friend but even the white residents of the hostel did not like it. They did not respect this woman but I respected her as an individual. She is intelligent and educated. Once she said, " Nilufar, the civilisation is artificial and false. Civilisation is against nature. Marriages are artificial. Free sex is natural, normal and healthy. We are like animals. That is why marriages cannot bring happiness." I asked her, "Are you happy?" She said, "No". Yes, in either way it is difficult to be happy.
In our region, marriages are sacred. I can't say how long it will continue.
In middle-class families divorce is rare. Their marriages are registered. They can get legal shelter because they can afford it. They are educated and capable but among the poor, in most cases, marriages are not registered. Men divorce their wives for trifling reasons or no reasons at all. Most of our maidservants are divorced by their husbands. Often they are beaten by their husbands. They are suppressed and oppressed by in-laws too.
Women empowerment is a vital issue in our region.
In the end, I wish all married couples to be happy plus marriages should be less expensive and without any dowry.
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