Talk
The purpose of writing this article is to look inward, to develop my own insights, to teach myself and to make myself aware of the proper behaviour.
We are able to talk. The animals cannot talk. We can talk because we are rational animals. This is a valuable asset of human life. We can use it positively or negatively. Our talks may be beautiful or not. Talks may be loving, affectionate and respectful or it may be arrogant, offensive or aggressive. Talks may be sincere and honest or it may be dishonest and deceptive. We can create happiness and peace with talks or we can be destructive, instead of being constructive.
One may think that what is the significance of writing an article on talk. Yes, it is significant to me. It hurt me when I was not allowed to express my mind. My heart was blocked when I was not allowed to talk. I was allowed to listen only, but not to talk. No one knows better than me how it feels when there is no freedom of speech. It broke my heart. I was suffocated. Sometimes, our men are too much dominating. Sometimes it is considered ill manners if women speak freely in front of their husbands. They are meant for carrying out orders only. Women have valuable opinions and views that can contribute to the betterment of the families. Everyone should have the freedom to say something if they are willing to do so. Every individual must be treated with due respect. Talks with due respect create happiness. Undesirable talks are hindrances to individual and social welfare.
There should be some talking principles. First of all, we must not hurt people through our talks. Sometimes our egos are shattered through other people’s talks. They pinch, tease, degrade, insult, humiliate and undermine other people. Sometimes they make ugly comments. People sometimes speak arrogantly that others do not like. They feel offended. Does it give us pleasure? No, It disturbs both the listener and the speaker. When we utter good words to others we create pleasure for both of us.
Another point is unnecessary arguments. Let us not argue when someone is saying something with pleasure. Let the talk be spontaneous and smooth. If he or she does not say anything highly objectionable let us not disturb him or her. Let them enjoy the spontaneous flow of their talks. Let them feel that they said something worthwhile. Let them get the pleasure of worthiness. It is good to approve and appreciate people when they say something. We learn from other peoples’ talks. Let us take the opportunities of other peoples’ experiences.
Sometimes we get sadistic pleasures in finding faults of others. All people have good qualities and a few faults. Before finding their faults, let us explore their good qualities. Let us not be fault finders. People feel happy when their qualities are appreciated. They feel encouraged. They get inspirations to move forward courageously and confidently. This is beneficial for the society. It benefits us too when we appreciate people. It gives us contentment. My grandfather used to say, “If you behave well and appreciate people, you will not be old. Our Prophet Muhammad looked young even when he died. Good souls never get old”. These valuable words of my grandfather inspired me a lot.
I am very much annoyed with the arrogant politicians of Bangladesh. They make ugly comments shamelessly about the political opponents. I condemn this political culture. The ruling party has seized our political freedom. There is no freedom of speech. The opposition political parties cannot hold meetings, demonstrations, processions, long march etc. They are doing so to have political gains in an undemocratic way. First of all, we are humans.We need moral values to keep our souls healthy. Persecuting and killing other people for political gains is not a good idea. This is against all sorts of moral values. Bangladesh is like a communist country now. There is no democracy. We are under a dictatorship in the real sense of the term. In the communist countries, there is no political freedom. People are not allowed to have political talks. The humans need to express their minds freely.
When we talk about other people, the central theme should be an appreciation of the good qualities of people. If anyone does anything wrong, we can explain it positively, that is, in a nice manner. Yes, it is possible to explain negative facts in a positive way. My father was a perfect gentleman. Once I said about someone, “He is a miser”. My father said, “ Say it positively. You can say that he is very careful in spending money”.
No one should be interrupted in the middle of his or her talk. When someone is speaking, let him or her finish first. It requires a bit patience only. I notice the television talk shows of Indian and Bangladeshi television channels. Talk shows of Zee News are warfare. The participants fight with each other with guns and bombs. There is no sign of patience or mutual trust and respect. These generate tensions among the audience as well. Same is the case with the talk shows of the Bangladeshi television channels. The participants do not care for courtesy. They attack each other personally and utter ugly comments against each other without any hesitation. I feel very sad about it. Why don't we understand that courtesy makes us nice and descent? Courtesy costs nothing, but it benefits us immensely.
Let us be honest when we are talking. Let us not have duplicity of minds. There is no need to be Hippocrates. Often we create a false self-portrait. We think something, say something else and do a totally different thing. This is unhealthy. We create a conflicting situation in our hearts and minds. Our body is not naturally equipped to accept such conflicts within ourselves. We become sick and suffer from heart disease, blood pressure, cancer, diabetes etc. Honest behaviour keeps us cool.
Cunning behaviour is disturbing too. Cunning people do not understand that they are always exposed. There are other people in the society who are cunning like them. They understand cunning behaviour and attitudes and tell it to other people. So, the cunning person is known as a cunning person in the society. Simplicity is the best beauty. A frank and simple person is loved by all.
I have seen many people telling lies for trifling reasons. Yes, we can tell lies when it is a life and death question. For instance, a hijacker gets hold of me in a solitary street and orders me to surrender whatever I have with me. Under such circumstances, we can tell lies. I can say, “I have no valuables with me. We should not degrade ourselves for small gains. Moreover, these gains do not last long. Truth prevails in the long run. One person lied to me about his educational qualification. He passed the Secondary School Certificate only, but he told me that he was a graduate. For quite some time I remained in the dark, but later the truth was revealed by others.
When we are angry we cannot control our tongues and minds. It is difficult to me as well. We can try to keep ourselves cool. Yes, we can make it, but it requires learning, dedication and practice.
We can choose our words and sentences so that we do not hurt others. Sometimes, we feel that why should we not tell the truth? But the truth might make people sad. Often it is difficult to understand, why a person will be sad. It requires insight and keen observation.
People sometimes lack courage, to say something in front of someone. They say it behind their back. In popular terms, this is backbiting. They cannot resist doing it. An idle brain is a devil’s workshop. Especially, who have little to do, find pleasure in negative criticism of other people.
Can’t we make people feel respected when we talk to them? Yes, we can do it. We can keep people’s egos satisfied if we want. We can talk to them with due respect and good manners. We can speak with smiling faces.
Once I watched a video on YouTube. It was an interview with Shomi Kaiser, daughter of the famous writer, Shahidullah Kaiser. Shomi Kaiser is a famous TV star of Bangladesh. The interviewer asked,”What annoys you the most?” She replied, “When people say too much about themselves, such as, I am, myself, my wife, my children, my family, my home, my business and so on. I learnt a great philosophy of life from this interview. Now, I try to minimize my ego. In the end, while writing this article, I tried to focus on observations of people's behaviours with others. Not only that, I looked inward too. I could learn and educate myself about how should I improve my behaviour and attitudes towards others.
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